This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. Ever have one of those? It’s been one of those years actually. Decades? Lifetime, really. I’ve struggled with depression since my early teens so I’m used to the roller coaster emotions. I had postpartum depression pretty bad too. Lately I’ve been pretty sad but I can tell a difference. When I’m depressed it’s an all consuming sadness and just a struggle to enjoy life. I can pinpoint that sadness.
I stayed home with my children since they were born. I worked a few years part time in between but I was taking care of them full time. Both of my children are now in school. I felt led to stay home while they go to school and work on the house-all the things that get ignored while you have little children in the house. So I decided to stay home this year.
I had a vision of how this year would go but I did not plan it out very well. I wrote down a few things….i have no idea where those papers are but I did write stuff down. Because my house is so disorganized and I’m a terrible housekeeper I can’t seem to get done what I want to. Plus I’m really lazy. Can you relate?
So the stress of not knowing where to start. Not going to the Lord in prayer. And not having the responsibility to constantly care for someone else gives a person a lot of time to think. I’m not a naturally organized person. Kind of a free spirit I guess. But this is where I’m at. This is the life I chose, this is where God has me. Maybe I thought it would be easier. I don’t know but I’ve been freaking out lately.
But today I did something that I don’t normally do….I voiced my concern and asked for help. Wow! Amazing idea, right? So I talked to my husband and we hashed out a general plan. Now I have things written down and a schedule. It’s not a detailed calendar or anything but it’s a start. It’s hard when you have to make your own schedule and overwhelmed with your responsibilities. So it’s good to have things written down. So I’m gonna try to put together a schedule and get organized.
So I’m tired. And I need to go to bed at a decent hour because I’m trying to be a responsible adult. Yuck! I don’t even like saying it. But I am a grown up and I’m going to act like it. With the Lords help I will make it through. More on scheduling next week. But for now I’m going to see if this new schedule works for me. Thanks for reading. Peace and God bless!